When Behaviour Is Communication

In early childhood education, behaviour is often the first thing adults notice.

A child cries during drop-off. A child runs away during transition time. A child refuses to join circle. A child throws a toy, pushes a peer, hides under a table, or says “no” again and again.

It can be easy to see these moments as “challenging behaviour.” It can be easy to focus on stopping the behaviour quickly, especially in a busy child care environment. But when we pause and look deeper, behaviour often tells us something important.

Behaviour is communication.

For young children, especially those who are still developing language, emotional regulation, sensory awareness, or social skills, behaviour may be one of the clearest ways they can tell us what they need. Children may not always have the words to say, “I am overwhelmed,” “I need help,” “This is too loud,” “I do not understand what is happening next,” or “I need connection.” Instead, they may show us through their actions.

This does not mean every behaviour is easy to understand. It also does not mean educators should ignore safety, boundaries, or the needs of other children. But it does mean that our first response should be curiosity, not judgment.

Instead of asking, “How do I stop this behaviour?” we can begin by asking, “What is this child trying to communicate?” That one question can change everything.

A child who runs away during transitions may be telling us that the transition feels too sudden or confusing. A child who covers their ears during group time may be communicating sensory overwhelm. A child who pushes another child may not yet have the language or skills to enter play. A child who refuses to clean up may be showing that they need more warning, more support, or more time to shift from one activity to another.

When we view behaviour as communication, we stop seeing the child as the problem. We begin looking at the environment, the routine, the expectations, and the support around the child.

This is especially important in inclusive early childhood settings. Children communicate in many different ways. Some children use spoken language. Some use gestures, movement, facial expressions, sounds, visual supports, assistive communication, play, or body language. Some children communicate distress through behaviour long before they can explain what is wrong.

The National Association for the Education of Young Children reminds educators to observe and document behaviour and to ask what the child may be trying to communicate, including whether the child may be struggling with transitions or stress. This connects deeply to inclusive practice because it asks educators to look beneath the surface.

When a child’s behaviour is difficult, it can be helpful to pause and ask:

What happened before the behaviour?

What was the child trying to access or avoid?

Was the environment too loud, crowded, rushed, or unpredictable?

Did the child understand what was expected?

Was the child hungry, tired, anxious, overstimulated, or needing connection?

What support might help this child feel safe and successful next time?

These questions are not about making excuses. They are about understanding.

Understanding helps educators respond with intention. A child who struggles with transitions may need a visual schedule, a countdown, a transition song, or a small job to help them move from one activity to another. A child who becomes overwhelmed in noisy spaces may need a quiet area, headphones, or permission to step away. A child who grabs toys may need support learning how to ask, wait, trade, or join play. A child who melts down after lunch may need us to notice patterns around fatigue, hunger, sensory input, or routine changes.

Responsive relationships also matter. Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child explains that responsive back-and-forth interactions between young children and caring adults help build the foundation for communication, social skills, and healthy development. When educators respond calmly and consistently, children begin to learn that their needs can be understood and supported.

This does not mean educators have to respond perfectly every time. Early childhood classrooms are busy, emotional, and full of competing needs. But it does mean that children benefit when adults slow down enough to wonder what is happening beneath the behaviour.

Sometimes, the most inclusive response is not a complicated strategy. It may be a calm voice. A visual cue. A quiet space. A predictable routine. A few extra minutes. A gentle reminder. A trusted adult nearby. A different way to participate.

Inclusion is not only about welcoming children when they are calm, regulated, and easy to understand. Inclusion also means staying curious when children are dysregulated, frustrated, overwhelmed, or communicating in ways that challenge us.

The B.C. Early Learning Framework encourages educators to think about well-being, belonging, communication, and relationships as connected parts of early learning. It also invites educators to notice and pay attention as children engage with others, materials, and the world. This reminds us that behaviour is not separate from learning. Behaviour is part of how children experience and communicate within their environment.

When we label children as “difficult,” “aggressive,” “defiant,” or “attention-seeking,” we risk missing the need underneath. We may also unintentionally teach children that their distress makes them a problem.

But when we approach behaviour with curiosity, we send a different message.

We tell children:

I see you.

I am trying to understand you.

Your behaviour is telling me something.

You are not bad.

You are learning.

You are worthy of support.

This does not remove the need for limits. Children still need guidance, safety, and clear expectations. But limits can be offered with dignity. Guidance can happen without shame. Support can happen without reducing a child to their hardest moments.

When behaviour is communication, our role as educators is not only to manage the behaviour. Our role is to listen.

To listen with our eyes.

To listen through observation.

To listen to families.

To listen to patterns.

To listen to what the child may not yet be able to say.

Because behind many behaviours is a child trying to be understood.

And when children feel understood, they are more likely to feel safe.

When they feel safe, they are more able to connect.

And when they feel connected, belonging becomes possible.

Sources used:

National Association for the Education of Young Children

Harvard Center on the Developing Child

B.C. Early Learning Framework